If you do find out that your wife is cheating on you, you may want to carefully approach the subject. Never confront your wife in front of your children. No matter how angry you are, do not get violent and try to keep your voice at a reasonable level.
As hard as it can be, calming approaching the situation can better allow you and your wife to have an honest discussion. This is where you can decide what will happen next with you and your relationship. Can be saved? By knowing the facts and the level of the infidelity before confronting her will go along way in you being able to think clearly and deciding what Path will be best for you
Tips to get free from affairs
1) From a psychological standpoint, repeatedly reminding yourself that the affair is a choice rather than a necessity can help free you emotionally so that you can take steps to end an affair.
2) In order to successfully stop an affair, and for good, you must be fully committed to changing
3) Act immediately. Once you make the decision to stop an affair, it is important that you end it right away. Realize that the longer you take to act on your decision, the more attached you will become and the harder it will be to ultimately break yourself away from the affair.
4) Remind yourself of the destructive nature of having an affair. Affairs involve sneaking, lying and hiding parts of yourself away from those you love, which is not a fair way to conduct a relationship. Additionally, affairs can be emotionally tormenting and can throw your entire life off balance. Use this awareness as ammunition to end an affair.
5) Question the nature of your affair. Try to understand why you are having an affair so that you can address whatever needs you feel are not being met by your committed relationship.
6) Formulate a replacement plan. Think of having an affair as an addiction. You will need to work on your unfulfilled needs in order to successfully end an affair, and this may involve therapy, addiction counseling or any of a number of other self-actualization processes.
7) Come clean. Once you have committed to ending the affair and have developed a plan for recovering, you may decide to reveal your secret to your partner. Remember that, although it may be hard to do and may cause a lot of pain, coming clean is the only way you can move forward in a relationship with complete honesty and openness.
8) End the affair. Prepare what you are going to say to the person you are having an affair with, and then say it with finality. Do not leave the issue open for discussion, as this may only prolong the process. Writing a letter or sending an email is a good way to communicate the end of an affair without making yourself vulnerable to resistance from the other party. . Moreover once you meet your lover, you might be tempted to give in and back away from making a clean break. So consider other impersonal ways of breaking up for instance by email, phone or a letter.
9) Cut off all contact
This is the most definitive step in ending an extra-marital affair and may mark the difference between an unaware and a livid spouse. End all forms of contact with your lover, whether in real life or by electronic means. You should not only stop meeting your lover but also stop communicating with him or her by phone, text message, email or posts on social networking sites. If it is impossible to avoid your lover completely, like when he or she happens to be a co-worker, see if you can get a transfer to another office or at least another department. If that too seems impossible, restrict your communication to strictly professional matters. Remember the less you see of each other, the easier it will be to break off an affair before your spouse comes to know about it.
10) If necessary, take help
It is a good idea to seek the help of a counselor or a therapist when you are trying to sort out the mess in your personal life. Professional counselors can offer an objective view on your problems and can come up with effective means of resolving them. While friends and close family members can also offer support, they are unlikely to have a completely impartial perspective and worse may be tempted to reveal your infidelity to your spouse. Counselors and therapists on the other hand make it a matter of their professional principles to maintain the privacy of their clients so that your spouse is unlikely to know about your affair from them.
11) Focus on your marriage
If you are trying to end your extra-marital affair before your spouse finds out about it, it is presumably because you care about your marriage. So turn your attention to your marital relationship and see if there are issues which left you dissatisfied and eventually tempted you into an affair. Talk to your spouse and try to re-connect with him or her. Consider which areas in your marriage need to be worked at and do so before it is too late – again!
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a lover is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. Losing a spouse is even worse. Keep loving throughout the life .
To save your marriage when your spouse is having an extra marital affair is undoubtedly tough, but with time, tenacity, patience, understanding and a lot of love you could emerge as the winner in the race.