How to Win Over Your Parents (and make them accept your lover!)

By on January 10, 2014
in law

About Your Girlfriend

Your mother and your girlfriend are two of the most important but complex female relationships in a man’s life. It is never meant to be easy for them to interact but it is possible for you to help foster a healthy relationship between them.

Open Talk – Communicate openly and honestly with your mother before she meets your girlfriend. All mothers in their hearts want their children to be happy and healthy but they also want a place in their children’s lives. Create an open forum where you can both express feelings and it will be helpful in opening her mindset before she meets and judges your girlfriend.

Preparation – If your mother is judgmental about your girlfriend because your mother holds strong racial/religious/sexuality convictions you need to spend a period of hard work to convince her. It is important if this is the case that you communicate with your girlfriend and explain why your mother is against her so that together you can sit down with your mother and explain the importance of this relationship.

Positive Approach – When they meet, try to steer the conversation towards the good points of your girlfriend that your mother will understand and respect. You know these two women the best, so make the best use of that knowledge.

Follow up – Ask your mother for feedback, and use this information to help build on the next encounter.

Warnings

Your mother is still your mother and she should be treated with the respect that role in your life plays. You only get a short time on this earth with her, surely no-one wants that time to be scarred by fighting over a relationship. Remember that you were mother’s “little boy” for many years and it will be difficult for her to feel that anyone is good enough for you. (Your sister will have the same problem with your dad when she’s dating.) So be patient.

Make sure to let your mother know that your girlfriend is not taking your mother’s place in your life. Your mother wants to know that you still need her, not just her money.

Control the urge to talk non-stop about your girlfriend and how wonderful she is. Your mother will likely get annoyed or offended.

Encourage your girlfriend to be sincerely friendly to your mother. Mothers have a good radar, so sincerity is key.

Wait for your parents to invite your girlfriend to family events, especially around the holidays. Your mother will feel somewhat protective of your time together as a family and she’ll have to warm up to the idea of including an “outsider” in those events.

About Your Boyfriend

Getting to convince your parents to let you have a boyfriend takes a lot of courage and it is tough when you have strict parents. Come out straight and tell one of your parents you need to talk. Say this confidently. Make sure your parents are in a happy mood.

Straight Talk – Tell your parents that you have thought this through but would like their opinion because you respect it. Present your case and tell them that there is a boy you would like to date. Emphasize that you believe you are mature enough to date. Address their fears by assuring them that you will be careful not get into trouble.

Take Responsibility – Tell them that you will be responsible with your actions and that you will suffer the consequences if anything bad happens.

Do Not Compare – Do not try to compare yourself to other people your age. Parents will not buy it. Ever.

Talk About Boy – Tell them about the boy. Tell them about his personality, what kind of grades he gets in school, his job, what he wants to be when he grows up, his family, and other things. This will let them know about him. Suggest they meet the guy you like first and see how he is and let them decide then.

If your parents still stay, try asking again or just wait until the time comes for you to date. Or ask your parents if you can go on a group date with your friends and your crush. With this, your parents will feel more comfortable since you will be with other friends, rather than alone with your crush.

mother and daughter

Warnings

If your parents do say no, don’t storm out mad, it will only end badly followed by having to wait even longer for a boyfriend.

Parents have good reasons for not letting kids date, such as wanting to protect their child from dating violence or a teen pregnancy. These reasons should be respected; it will help show your parents that you are being mature.

Make sure the person you like is worth it. It might help to wait a day or two before asking them, to see if you still like him.

Always make sure you are ready, you might want to jump into a relationship, when you are not old enough, or he is not ready.

Your parents might not let you date, but they might just let you be friends or just like them.

We all know parents want to control your life. They also want a variety of things from us but only to make sure we are happy and successful in life. Importantly, they want to trust their children. You do so by instilling confidence in them. Talking openly and honestly with them would be the panacea for most of the problems with them.

Image courtesy: psychicdonut.com , oprah.com

One Comment

  1. aparna

    January 17, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    great advice

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